Have you ever noticed how common it is for you and others to say "yes, but" when making a decision? I'm here to share the power of a 3-letter word substitution that can change your mindset and positively impact the reactions and cooperation of others! Let's talk about moving from "yes, but" to "yes, and."
Imagine one being on a team and working to reach agreement on a procedure or interviewing for a job and all the elements are not quite right or even choosing a cuisine for dinner and your friend disagrees. In all these situations there may be some elements you can agree to AND there are some you would like to negotiate. It's so common in all 3 cases to say, "yes, but" to the person with the opposing view.
Consider that when you say to others "yes, I like your idea, but" you have minimized their feelings, belief, idea. You are saying, unintentionally and out of learned habit, your idea doesn't matter as much because my idea differs. The "but" says you hear their idea BUT you have a different idea, so there is discord or conflict. This method of communication does not allow your ideas to both have value.
Here is a powerful, easy answer. Take the same situation and substitute the word "and" for "but" and see what happens.
- In a team setting: "I like your idea and I have another point of view."
- In a job interview: "I am excited about the job and I will perform best if there is minimal travel."
- Choosing a restaurant: "I want to eat pizza and you want a burger so let's find a place that offers both."
The magic is multiple conditions can co-exist! As you read these three "yes, and" statements, can you feel the shift? Here there is respect for both opinions. Here there is an environment for finding a common ground and negotiating. Here there can be assertiveness and compassion. This is delightfully powerful!
Where can you try this out today? The very next time you find yourself in email or on the phone or chatting with a friend, see how you can hear an option that does not match your desire and respond with "yes, and" to see how to compromise and appreciate your differences.