This article appeared in a local free magazine for saavy women in Chicago, called TCW, Today's Chicago Woman. The topic of fear is a favorite of mine and many of the messages in this article come from my work with myself, my clients and my professional training. I hope you feel inspired to move through your fear with love as a result of reading this.
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Have you ever kept silent at work or in your business to avoid looking stupid? Like the time you had a good idea you didn't share at a staff meeting to avoid being laughed at. For all you procrastinators out there, are you delaying starting a project because it means doing something new or there is a lot on the line?
Heck, I just spent the last few hours in email, watching TV and doing the dishes to keep from writing this article. Why? I was stuck thinking the editor or you readers might not agree with my beliefs.
These examples have one thing in common; fear. There is an acronym someone invented that says it all: F.E.A.R. is False Expectations Appearing Real. Your subconscious mind cannot discern between actual and imagined thoughts or past, present or future events. Fear shows up at work when you experience avoidance, procrastination, perfectionism and inaction.
Fear can keep you distracted and wrapped up in busy-ness, operating on autopilot which keeps you from thinking, feeling and making decisions or taking action. The problem is, this mental filter also robs you of experiencing and benefiting from the wonderful moments in your day.
How can fear be helpful? Fear is a form of protection stemming from your survival instinct. It is a natural response to negative stimuli. Its job is to keep you safe. On the surface, you may have a fear of rejection or hearing "no,” like in a job search or when talking to a prospective client. The underlying fear is of not being accepted or not being loved. Ultimately you're avoiding pain.
Do you ever feel like you're being pulled in several directions? Part of you holds back, watching to make sure you don't get hurt, physically or emotionally. Part of you is courageous and adventurous and urges you to try new experiences. Another part judges and criticizes your actions so you look good to others. Perhaps a black-and-white or all-or-nothing part won’t let you start a new project unless you do it perfectly, with success guaranteed. Sound familiar?
These parts come from different developmental stages of your life. Some of them are very young with a child’s knowledge and understanding. It’s no wonder some parts get afraid when you go after big dreams. They care deeply about you. They observe events in your life and take turns directing your thoughts and therefore your actions, based on their beliefs about what’s best for you. The good news is your parts have valuable messages for you.
An important step is to work with your fears by acknowledging and listening to your fearful parts. Ignoring or stuffing fear into the back of your mind will only keep you stuck, resentful, stressed, and unhappy. Your fears are a way of communicating needs to you; they may just have a few good suggestions.
Listen and Learn. Experiment with and practice the following process to help you make fear your ally and move forward. You can use fear as a tool and internal guide for personal and professional growth. The goal is to guide your inner Self from fear to a loving, forgiving, nurturing mindset.
- Awareness is a key first step. Are you stuck, avoidant, or procrastinating about something at work? Are you subconsciously numbing or distracting yourself from taking action?
- Why are you stuck? If the answer is fear, is it true or imagined?
- What are you afraid will happen? Play out your scenario to its worst conclusion. This can bring comic relief and realization of how unlikely your imagined outcome is.
- Allow and accept your fear. Be gentle and understanding as you would be with a child. Avoid criticizing yourself for being afraid.
- Quiet your mind and be still. Fear often comes from living in the past or projecting into the future, where most worry and ego-thinking exists. Observe your breathing or study something beautiful to help you centered in the present moment.
- Ask your inner parts, “What do you need?” Write this or say it out loud to your Self.
- Listen. You will be surprised to hear an answer. Let your intuition and inner Self tell you what you need. These may be real needs!
- Take corrective, possibly protective action. You may need to set new limits at work, partner with someone more experienced, institute a figurative or literal out clause, ask questions, validate an assumption, or take action in stages and in smaller steps. Or you may need more downtime and fun.
- Recheck how you feel and your level of fear. You should find it easier to take action and feel more confident and safe. Your parts will feel calmer. Ask them to work in harmony for your greater good.
- Act with faith and trust in yourself and recommit to your career or business mission. Take action for the sake of your Self and others to make a difference.
Fear is simply energy. It is very similar to excitement. Some people pay to ride a roller coaster for the pleasure of experiencing fear. These emotions can coexist and you can move forward rather than be held back. It’s all a matter of choice. That is empowering.
Take the opportunity
As you understand your fears more, you'll identify what you need and respond more easily and quickly. Welcome and embrace your fearful parts, listen for what you need, and work with fear for the joy of discovering what is possible when you go after what you want.
[Letter to TCW Editor reprinted here]
The May issue of Today's Chicago Woman was very inspiring and empowering. As a budding entrepreneur, the insight shared by Gail Sussman Miller in her article about making fear work to your advantage really resonated with me, so much so that I wrote an entire blog post about her article. [snip].
Posted by: Lillian S. Harris | July 16, 2008 at 08:53 AM