I am in a stuck place. Hard for a coach to admit and yet being authentic and modeling overcoming my own obstacles to inspire others is what I like to do in my obstacle-busting business. So, permit me to coach myself, using Byron Katie's "The Work" process, as I share some deep insights with you that I know will help some of you to break through the yuck and ick of following up on leads and commitments you have not made the time or had the courage to act upon.
My situation. I am stuck on following up on some leads and I am allowing this inaction to shame me. Shame is an easy almost automatic place that I go to and see my clients go to when a task or commitment that takes courage goes undone.
Mid-December 2008 I attended a big conference and did some networking that was a big stretch for me. I talked to vendors at a trade show and asked about being speakers for their organizations. It was the ultimate in cold-calling by selling to the sellers, so to speak. I met 3 or 4 people during breakout sessions and offered to follow-up with some ideas to be of service. I was proud of the outreach I did and somewhat exhausted by it.
I then took 2 weeks vacation, joyfully greeted my first grandson on 1/1/09, went to work from Florida for 6 weeks, and… and… and… There were chances to make those calls. Follow-up calls are not my favorite calls. I’m great in the moment and then I lose the momentum and the courage to call. Does that sound familiar?
Well… I have moved that stack of business cards and notes around my office at least 10 times. I’ve put this “to do” on my calendar about 15 times. I feel ashamed every time I think of this and it’s costing me energy, feels bad and I avoid it. And now it’s 4 months later, practically to the day!
I could just toss the business cards and notes in the waste basket, allow my beliefs and shame to rule the day and let those conversations and the investment of time and money I made that day go into the garbage too. This feels like being more out of integrity than calling after 4 months! Today I told my Springboard group about it and they called me forth to take action. (I am a participant and facilitator for this peer action group.)
Doing The Work. I’m using this blog article to do the inner work I need to do as I write these words. Having just attended last night’s Chicago Coach Federation meeting and hearing Paul Zavagno do a great job speaking on and demonstrating coaching with Byron Katie’s “The Work,” the messages and processes are still ringing in my mind. The following headings come from The Work. I’m still new at this, but let’s give it a try.
I hope this will inspire some of you to reconnect to long-ago promised commitments or leads that you still believe in! I do believe it’s never too late to continue a conversation. It’s time to do the work to let go of the beliefs we make up and reconnect to the meaning and your mission.
BELIEF: Following up on a networking connection after 1 week (1 month, 2 months…. 4 months) says to people I am not a good, reliable business woman and those people will judge me poorly and criticize me if call after 4 months. (Notice how we make this stuff up or are taught this belief and accept it as our own.)
IS IT TRUE? Part of me thinks so and I know others who fiercely believe this collectively held negative belief. At closer examination, I know this happens to so many people. It may not be true for all.
CAN YOU ABSOLUTELY KNOW THAT IT’S TRUE? Of course not, unless I survey all these people. And of the 15-20 who took my business card with the intent to follow-up, only 3 did. (Notice the power of following up and how it differentiates you?!)
HOW DO YOU REACT WHEN YOU BELIEVE THAT THOUGHT? I believe I am bad. I don’t deserve their business, I don’t manage my time well, I am not courageous enough, I wasted my money by attending that conference, I must not be serious about speaking, training or consulting for those people. I am not serious about being in business. I am not good enough. I don’t follow through. I am a wuss. I stay and play small. (Any more and I’ll have to reach for a Kleenex tissue!)
WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT THE THOUGHT? I would be human. I would trust that if there is still interest, it will be explored and if not, then it is a neutral non-event. I would model being with “what is” for others. It might even be a better time to call them now. I have big news to tell them about my new emotional intelligence and first eBook! I take risks and am courageous. I am good enough. I am committed and mean what I say. I forgive myself and others. I can be honest when I call. I am good enough. I am human (worth repeating). I am shame-free, proud and strong. The mission matters more than some discomfort and there is no discomfort or shame without the belief.
(There are 3 “turnarounds.”) TURN IT AROUND TO THE OPPOSITE: I will be seen as a great business woman for calling no matter what. I will flatter them by remembering them. I am committed enough to the mission that I moved through familiar discomfort to call. TURN IT AROUND TO THE OTHER: They have not called me to take care of their problem. TURN IT AROUND TO YOURSELF: I have let my Self down by not making these calls, not staying true to my life’s purpose, not playing as big as I’m meant to play! I can handle any awkwardness or discomfort. I can do this and be true to the cause.
Where are you stuck on follow-up? I hope this piece of processing and sharing Byron Katie’s “The Work” with you will inspire you to breakthrough on follow-up you are not taking. Do you have people you have meant to call and the passion ebbs and flows? Are you making up stuff about what it means to have delayed so far? What are you willing to join me in turning around and committing to? Email me to share your commitment.
Accountability. I will sort through the approximately 10 business cards I have and decide which I want to call and will call or email by Tuesday 4/21 (one week from when I wrote this). I will report back to all of you as a comment on this blog article on my actions taken.
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