Think about a time in the last week where you got out of bed or sat down at your desk determined to take action on one of your most important work goals. And it didn't happen.
Perhaps you were going to make a networking call, sending an email to ask for an introduction or follow-up with a prospective client or employer. Instead you found yourself answering emails, surfing online or rearranging the papers in your files to create busy-ness and feel productive. Part of you wants the goal to be achieved and part of you creates a diversion because of a perceived risk, discomfort or fear. Welcome to procrastination!
Here is a new twist on what's going on in that wonderful mind of yours and a new way to think about being stuck AND solutions to help.
This happens to ALL of us... full disclosure. As I wrote this article, I had some not-so-quiet self talk going on saying things like, "I'm not feeling creative enough to write, so this article won't be good" or "This isn't going to interest my readers and maybe a nap is a better idea!" See how active that inner critic can be? Two or three times I had to laugh out loud and ask myself, "So what story are YOU telling yourself, Gail? And what story would you rather tell?!" It was like a big DUH moment. It turned out to be great research! So even in the midst of writing to tell you how to overcome negative self talk by changing the stories you tell yourself, it happened to me!
For more on the value we get from acknowledging the voice of fear and how to make it work for you, go to my article here. For more on the impact of judgment in the workplace (and in your head), how it protects you and how to work with it, go here for another oldie but goodie.
What are the stories you tell your Self that keep you stuck?
Isolate a recent procrastination moment and imagine that your thought processes where spoken out loud and recorded. If you could replay your inner dialogue, what would you hear?
AT THAT MOMENT... your inner voice is making up stuff! Your mind is telling a story. Assumptions are flying and stories about how others won't help you, your idea is silly anyway, you probably won't close the deal, if they wanted to hire you they would have called, yada yada. This inner dialogue is especially true when you are waiting for a response to a job application, interview results, or a proposal approval and there is no reply. Notice what you make up in that silence.
Solutions. A great place to start to change this pattern is to create a habit of introspection and awareness. Let's use the example of a job seeker or business owner who has not heard back on a few deals they hope will come through. Intellectually they know these things take time, not all prospects will be interested, and they should keep on marketing themselves, but...
10 tips to overcome negative stories and take action. The first two and last steps are highly recommended. See what works for you. As you get better at this, you can create a mental and emotional shift in moments.
- Notice and accept that you really do make up a story when you don't hear back from someone when you think you should. Identify your story and the messages. You might be saying, "See, I knew it. I'm too old/young, not degreed enough, too experienced/not experienced enough. No one wants me."
- Observe how the story makes you feel emotionally. I believe you have a "Happy Meter" in your stomach from 1-10, with 10 being happiest. Your natural state of being is to feel good. When you tell a negative story that has you powerless and a victim, your happiness reading plummets. Your emotions are a GPS like in cars. You are out of alignment with your true nature, your values, your beliefs, and who you really are.
- Pivot, as Abraham-Hicks, Law of Attraction teachers say, and turn towards a better story! As long as you are making it up, why not go for a story that makes you feel better? Like attracts like, so switching to positive thoughts will attract more. What is it you DO want? Focus on that and see what inspired action comes to you.
- Gratitude is a great tool even in the darkest moment. See how the situation itself contains a gift for you in the form of others offering to help or a lesson for you to learn.
- Reconnect with your mission. Define your mission if you don't have one! There is always some purpose for your life that is greater than the situation you are in. Continue to take action where you can make a difference.
- Ask yourself, "What else could be true?" What are other reasons you are not hearing back from your prospect? Throw in some humor to lighten things up (the dog ate your job application/proposal!)
- What rules are you using to judge the other person? What is your expectation about the time in which an email, fax, phone call or letter should be returned?
- Consider the lack of action or choices of others is all about them and has little to do with you. They could be out sick, on vacation, have no time, focused on other priorities or they are some of the terrible things you imagined... it just doesn't help you to focus here.
- Remember you always have a choice, in this case about how to feel and how to respond. This moves you from being a victim to being responsible and response-able. Empower yourself by seeing where you have a choice. This helps you detach. Unhook the plug to disconnect the power. Stop giving the silence and the non-response from others any power over you.
- FINALLY... Ah, yes. Surrender, trust, and faith. Remember the human factor and return to your purpose and your mission. Create abundance practices, ground yourself and be patient.
Read my interviewwith Noah Blumenthal, author of Be The Hero for more on changing your stories to empower your Self.
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