Faith Curtis, my guest expert, coaches individuals and groups who are interested in defining their own lives and living the life they were meant to live. She also designs and leads a variety of retreats, workshops and conferences since she started her coaching business over nine years ago.
One of Faith’s passions is coaching people to respect themselves by setting personal and professional boundaries. She helps them become aware of how saying “yes” when their body and soul are screaming “no” is destroying their spirit, vitality and passion. Once this awareness is gained, then she works with them to discover new tools and methods to own their power thereby significantly improving the quality of their lives
Faith is trained and certified by the Coaches Training Institute and the International Coach Federation as a Professional Certified Coach. Her formal education includes a Master’s in Social Work. In addition to her experience as a Clinical Social Worker, Faith led the human resource department for a medical equipment manufacturer for over 13 years.
Special offer from Faith! As a special gift to my newsletter readers, Faith is generously offering a 30-minute complimentary phone consultation to explore creating one new empowering practice to create a more healthy boundary in your work life. Contact Faith via email at [email protected] to set up a mutually convenient time for this call. http://www.faithcurtis.net
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Gail: Today’s feature article teaches how to overcome the discomfort of saying “No” and setting boundaries. Why is it important to develop this skill for our careers or business?
Faith: When you say “Yes” and feel “No” inside, you are setting your needs aside and not taking care of yourself, and what’s more, you’re not doing anyone a favor. You can easily start resenting the other person and invite negativity into the relationship. When you ignore your own needs, you’re not taking care of yourself. If you don’t take care for yourself, how can you be available and give your gifts and talents to others? Instead, you’re busy giving your energy, time and power away. When you set boundaries you feel better about yourself. This increases confidence and has you feel empowered to make choices. It reminds you that you HAVE choices. If you make one small choice and say “No” during your day or renegotiate, you will feel better throughout the day. You will feel and look like someone who is in control.
Faith: When you say “Yes” and mean “No” you give your power away as if you don’t have any. You send yourself a message that you don’t have power over your life – you don’t have choices. This is destructive to your self-esteem and can start a downward spiral that is hard to get off.
Gail: Well, with bosses, many think they don’t have a choice. What do you think?
Faith: Yes, it can seem that bosses hold the power. And it’s important to stand up for yourself. This idea that your boss holds all the power is a perception you have chosen. And, to make it more complicated, this belief is often held by the collective consciousness at work. If you see yourself as a pawn or victim, you will be ineffective. I am not talking about being rude or difficult here. Simply to speak up. For example, with a boss we can say, “Yes, I can do that new assignment. I’m assuming the project you gave me yesterday is now a #2 priority, correct?” Here you can use your power, remind them of what’s on your plate and show up as being responsible.
Gail: Please share a personal or client obstacle-busting success story with our readers?
Faith: When my father was dying, I was in conflict. I lived in another city. I had a job and was responsible to my children. I was very torn and felt powerless. I wanted to be with my father and I made a tough choice to keep my commitment to my job and my kids. This did not feel like a good decision and neither did leaving my family to stay with him. I felt so out of control.
It came to me in an inspired moment to use my power and make a choice in an area of my life I could control. My office desk and credenza were covered with papers and files and it bothered me every time I came into my office. I decided to get organized. So I created a filing system that took all the papers off from my desk and put them in a daily reminder file. From that point on, I felt much more in control of my office and my job and kept my new system going until I resigned several years later. This small act resulted in an improved work environment; reduced my feeling of powerlessness and despair, and greatly reduced my stress. Others relied on me (I was the VP of HR) and they were picking up on my mood. I was a role model to others and wanted to be a positive one. Taking control in this one area of my life had a huge impact on this completely out of control situation I had with my dying parent.
Gail: What are some tips or advice you recommend to help people set boundaries and say “No” in the workplace?
Faith: I agree with your emphasis, Gail, on renegotiating with others when you receive requests, even in small ways. Here are some other ideas.
- Make a commitment to go out or leave your desk for lunch, no matter what, as often as you can. You will feel better and perform better all afternoon. Mark your shared calendar and tell others you have an appointment. Even in a culture where everyone completely surrenders power and choice, make the smallest choice you can for even 5 minutes of ME time. You will feel a sense of triumph and self-love causing a ripple effect that will surprise you.
- Focus on what is working. Where in your life do you set boundaries well? For some parents, there is no question that they set boundaries with their children on safety issues without hesitation. Where in your day did you take responsibility for your time and put your needs first? Where did you make a choice and feel empowered? Where did you effectively renegotiate? Focus on what is working and build on that!
Recent Comments